Why I am Choosing God First (Part 2)


Today I felt we need to be real with each other, call a spade a spade and just speak the gospel truth. It’s hard, it’s painful but it’s true, some things that we have going on in our life got to go if we truly want a relationship with God. 


John 5:39 Jesus tells the Pharisees truth about their life, they were busy searching through scriptures and waiting upon Christ yet Jesus was right there with them. They believed John more than the one John witnessed about, they were ready to accept what John did and spoke of and not what Christ did for them and the truth He spoke. That’s why they could accept Barabbas;a criminal in exchange to Jesus.


Just like the Pharisees we are busy searching in scriptures for understanding but we don’t want Christ and His will for our life. We have things in our head we are willing to hear from the Lord and if the Lord says other ways we are quick to choose Barabbas. Christ is speaking life but we have made ourselves’ life authors, we think we have figured out God more so we want it all our way. 

You are in a relationship that the Lord has told you time and time again to end and you say you love the man so much God should understand. You are sleeping with a man who is not your husband and you claim it’s a weakness when the Lord Himself has said you should stop. You are busy making your own plans, when they start falling out on you and you say God has forgotten you. How then is He suppose to help you if you don’t want to hear His will.

We need to stop, it’s sad, it’s unhealthy and some things have to go for us to be where the Lord desires of us. As my husband shared in his sermon last Sunday; The Father Heart of God, we can’t be of the kingdom of light and of the kingdom of darkness at the same time. You are either in one, sad that most of us thinks we can handle it both. 

We thinks we are safe not being saved because we can do anything we want, let me make it clear for you, you are living under the power of darkness and unless you change now, you will be dragged to hell and Christ will say this Mathew 7:23 ‘I don’t now you, get away from me evildoer’. Its sad that there are people who have decided this path and how horrible it will be to hear these words being spoken to some of us.

Mathew 7:21 is very clear, just because you call His name yet you don’t do what He tells you, your path to the Kingdom of Heaven is not assured. Don’t be fooled that you got a long way to go, because you are alive today doesn’t mean you will be so tomorrow. Our days on earth are only known to God, so be aware that you might have dreams for next year but the Lord might take you home next month and woe unto you if your life is not unto the Lord.

False
There things that needs to be straightened about our lives, we need to stop believing in ourselves as the society says that we ends up being our own gods. We have made our own rights and wrongs.You are told you got the power in you, you don’t need anyone to tell you what to do, you are perfect and don’t let people tell you otherwise.

Truth
You need God as the above authority in your life, if your ways are not guided by Him; you feel that there are some thing He should know but not all. You think you know whom you want to marry even when God tells you otherwise and once you are married and the relationship takes a different direction you says the Lord has abandoned you; You didn’t need Him when you were marrying the man, so why do you need Him now.

I was recently sharing with a family member that my relationship with him is not based on what I can give him but on how we relate even when there is plenty. I was feeling that we were more close when he wanted me to do some things but when he got stuff working out for him I was never in his thought and we never communicated. Some of us treat God the same way, we are always the needy children, ‘God why, God please, God can I get….., God how comes I am not……’

The Father Heart of God is that we will understand that He wants to give us a quality life, worry-less days and His Kingdom. So, are we truly willing to accept His will more than what we want for ourselves.

My question would beAre you doing His will or are you just busy calling Him ‘Lord, Lord…’and you don’t want to hear Him when He responds?’ I’ll say this over and over again ‘Don’t be fooled to start thinking we are doing God a favour by relating with Him, just because you don’t do it doesn’t make Him less in His Glory’

If He is saying you need to work in that company for 3 years please do so because that is His will for your life. You are being told to stop that relationship because it isn’t helping your spiritual growth, please stop the excuses and obey. The word clearly says if you sleep with a man who is not your husband you are fornicating and here you are busy calculating for us your biological clock and your age. 

Some relationships need to be cut off your life in order to draw you more to Him and you think that is not realistic. Let me tell you what’s realistic, the perfect will of God for the imperfect you. Many of us (I included) do not deserve what the Lord has given and doing in us but because He has loved us He does all that kindheartedly for the purpose He has for your life.

Psalms 119:89 says that the Lord’s word is forever settled in heaven, if He is saying ‘No’ trust me He is not about to change His mind because you feel your ways are much better than His. Decide for yourself which Kingdom you want to follow and do the right thing, if you are following your own will it might seemed all good for now but it won’t be so forever. Who are you going to be? A follower of Christ who does His will or a follower of society who will  perish in his/her ways?

Joshua 24:15 just like Joshua ill say this ‘Choose for yourself whom you will serve, is it Christ or is it the darkness? But as for me and my house we will forever serve the Lord’




With Deepest Love

Mrs. Ouma





Why I am Choosing God First (Part 1)

Image result for submission us unto the lord

Ephesians 5:22-24 talks about submission, okay I know what you are thinking that I am going to start talking about authority, who is the head of your home and whatever you have heard about submission. I will one day :-), though for today I want to share about that verse in regard to personal time with the Lord and how the Lord ministered that to me.

My marriage has been on transition every day, something my close friend and I agrees on since she also got married last year. Nevertheless I realise that I had it all twisted when I said I do, I had a perfect picture frame of us. We would solve our issues before the sun sets, I was always going to be a home maker(baker, cook, cleaner and interior designer), he was always going to be my shoulder to lean on even as I am his and every evening as he steps home dinner would be ready unless we are eating out. That is how I thought it would be until I got married and none of it added up.

I am not saying I am sad or I am having the most unbearable time of my life however, I am learning that we(ladies) a times build some tall castles that hinder us from enjoying marriage. We have to understand that unless we are  purposing and pursuing God to teach us to be a home maker now (even as you are single) even when you are married you will struggle. So to all those on the road, if you have a picture of your perfect home, perfect wife story please hear it from me, it will frustrate you. I call it the Proverbs 31 syndrome.

.………………………….Wives, Submit unto your own husband, as unto the Lord

I was feeling a little overwhelmed some time back and i felt I was lonely. Like too much stuff was going on and there was less time for me in it all, so I got all gloomy and unbearable just to put the point across to my husband. Even as we talked it out and settled the issue I felt the Lord asking me about my relationship with Him.

Here I want the Lord to be the centre of our marriage, I want Him to help me solve all our marriage issues yet I never put that much effect in my relationship with Him. Earlier in my marriage whenever we had a misunderstanding I would think it’s because I am not praying enough for my marriage. Like I wasn’t giving it all the attention in prayer that it required, so I got to pray about it like no one’s business and when we didn’t disagree for a while I would credit it to my powerful prayer dedication.

It’s okay to pray; actually we should pray for our marriage daily however it goes deeper than altering ‘holy’ words to the Lord. Ephesians 5:22 requires us to submit to our husband as unto the Lord, what it actually means is this ‘you don’t submit to God and His plan for your life as your authority, best friend, even to your husband or to your boss you will do none of that’.

Submission carries respect, humility and grace, and the Lord is actually saying Child you want to be the Submissive wife? Then please submit to me first, you want to know how to be successful then lets first have a successful relationship, you want to go and spread the gospel please know me first, you want to love that man please love me first cause I created him I know him more than you think

Our struggle usually begins here beacause we learn scripture to make ourselves feel better or worse we feel we are doing God a favor. Like we are gaining Bonga points with Him but its far more than that, someone once told me this ‘God is not a needy God, so don’t think when you don’t spend time with Him He decreases in His glory, its actually the opposite’.

I have heard this so many times among singles ‘I want the one God has destined for me‘ my question is are you the even aware that before the one you claim you want was born there is One that existed who died for you. Do you even know who He is? We are always waiting for delivery yet we don’t even have a clue who is our deliverer.

Recently my friend and I were sharing our heart out, and one thing that was common for both of us was that our marriage was getting better each day. We realized this was so because we were having more time with the Lord, we were allowing our relationship with the Lord to get deeper and listening to His heart beat. There are things that we both could say was a challenge as young wives but now as we are dwelling in the Lord, His grace is evident each day.

I am not much of a cleaner, too be honest I place everything anywhere it can stand, that’s the total opposite of my husband. But as I learnt to organize my time with the Lord and purpose to have time with Him in my day, He is teaching me how to be in order and I am carrying that to my home.

God desires our heart even as I shared last in I am So Busy, The Lord Understands and there is no way I can claim to be spending all the time in the world with my husband if my time with God is always in a rush. So, If God is going to the centre of my marriage, then I should actually have Him first in my life.

When you allow God to teach you how to love Him, how to be in a relationship with Him, how to be patient with Him for the things you feel have not been answered, how to work on your insecurity and even your attitude then you will be able to handle whatever comes your way. Let God be the first priority in your life, give Him the first attention and you will be amazed how things you thought will never work for you fall into place. He is not needy He is loving and desiring your heart and all He is saying is ‘I know your heart desire even before you say it so know me and allow me to teach you to walk in the purpose I have for you.’ 

I remember what my husband shared with me while we were still dating that was key to me even as I desired a husband who will be a priest at our home. He said this;

Please love God and have a strong relationship with Him more than you have with me and let Him come first in your life then all things shall fall into place

Now as I remember these words I realise that unless we are where God want us to be with Him, all that we do even if they look like they are working well, blossoming and getting better, they will all pass away, others will hurt you, other will disappoint you but if you are grounded in the Lord and do all things as unto the Lord you will stand despite winds and the storms.

John 15:1-2 talks about being pruned to bear much fruit, in moments when you get a reality check and you feel indeed you are not bearing much of fruits in your marriage or relationship or even at w
ork I pray you allow God to do His work. The blossoming of a marriage is not dependent on your good deeds, people say ‘you make it work’ which is true but through Christ. You allow God to take His right place and bring you to where He wants.

I pray that you will be drawn to Him even as you do all things as unto the Lord.


With Deepest Love
Mrs. Ouma

Happy new month and Blessed weekend.

I am So Busy, The Lord Understands

Image result for finding rest in the Lord

If you have ever been to the city mall you can attest that it is one busy place. There is something always going on from one shop to another and even the ones that sales the same stuff they try as much as possible to impress you to buy from them.

I was just reflecting on my life some day back as I read the word, the Lord begun to minister to me about my spiritual life. How am I walking as I live my life here on earth? How busy am I for the things of the Lord or has the worldly cares taken over me. Just like the city mall, one building but filled with different shops I realized that I have been so occupied and Ill confess, not always with the things of the Lord.

John 2:13-21

Here is Jesus entering the temple, He is looking forward to meet people who are dwelling in the Lord, learning from the scriptures and just being tuned to their spiritual journey. But that is not what He finds, rather He sees the temple has been turned to a market place. All sorts of things are being sold and mind you the Passover of the Jews was nearing, this people are so taken away by the worries of life that none of them realizes that they are in a place where the Lord wants to dwell with them.

I read these and I am made to ponder over my life, the Lord’s temple, you see for me to say my body is the temple of God I have to have an understanding of what the temple of God is.

The temple is the Lord’s dwelling place, a place of worship and just like the Jews and the pharisees I have found myself most so often doing the opposite. I have taken the cares of the world into my life and even the hours when the Lord is seeking me I am either busy or quick to leave His presence because I got something to do.

I Corinthians 16:19 – 20

To offer your body as a living sacrifice is not just you saying I love God and going to church, it means to totally release yourself off the responsibility and cares of life and allow Christ to take control.

A times that’s not what we want, we usually feel we know what we want and God has to do for us what we want. I’ll be honest it doesn’t work like that, yes you have desires and truly the Lord desires to hear of them but He desires more of you to want to be of Him. If you believe you can share all your needs to Him and He will answer then how hard can it be to just believe that all He has for you is for your good and surrender your life completely and put down the pen and allow Him to write your story.

Often when we say ‘my body is the temple of God’, we base it only on the issue of fornication which I am glad you realise that it defiles the temple of God. However there are other things that are defiling the Lord’s temple everyday and we have made them okay and said ‘that’s life’ but is it really!. If my life is the Lord’s dwelling place then I believe it should just be a place where the Lord dwell everyday and every time and anytime.

Some of us we are so crowded with the things of the Lord yet we have no time for the Lord. Every time He wants to hear your heart beat but you are all over the place, I am not saying it is wrong to do the Lord’s work nevertheless my question is ‘How can you speak about someone, work for someone, share about someone that you don’t even have time for’. If I didn’t know my boss, I don’t think I would be working in this company, the fact that he is always in the office and we go for meetings and we share and I listen to what he wants of me I am able to do my work well.

That’s the same with Christ, you are so busy speaking about Him yet you don’t even know His heart beat, you never spend time with Him all you do is move from morning to morning and no time in all those hours you are found tapping at His feet. You are lying to yourself and your temple (spiritual being) will one day fall before you because you never allowed Christ to dwell and your worship was not to Him but to things.

Today if I may ask what is it that has taken over the Lord’s temple, what is it that Christ needs to throw out. Is it that relationship, that man that you are busy sleeping with and he is not your husband, is it your friends the ones that always has control on what you do or say, is it your tongue and your constant gossiping, is it your desire to have a husband yet you don’t even create time for the one that died for you willingly, is it what the society dictates to be right and you are not worried that you are not right with God. Maybe it’s your past heart break and you are always crying about it day and night and it powering you more.

One thing I do believe for sure is that if we choose to let go and let Christ be then we are in a better place. How do we do this, if you may ask, choose to;

  • Accept that the Lord is in control and He is the authority over your life
  • Dwell in the Lord’s presence, read His word, meditate on it and allow Him to minister to you
  • Surrender your life and your heart beat and allow Him to dwell in His temple
  • Be available for the Lord in all times because one busy temple = one shuttered life
  • Open your heart and hear His heart beat and His desire for His Temple and it will always stand

Remember we are not a physical being in a spiritual body rather we are a spiritual beings in a physical body. Your physical body will fade away, all the beauty will one day fade away but your spiritual being will never fade away so feed it well. Give it life, what are you allowing to take place in your life, are you worried about your body more than your your spiritual being, are you giving it much attention the way you give to what you dress on, what is it that is consuming you and denying the Lord a chance to feel you.

If you are like me then I guess you desire to be nourished and your spiritual being (His temple) to be full of the Lord’s glory. If that is so, do the right thing. drop down that pen and allow Him to write your life story.

With deepest Love,
Mrs. Ouma.

ABIDING IN THE LORD (In all seasons)

There are a few things I wish I had known some time back. I am not regretting however I am learning and I am listening to the Lord as He teaches me these things that are valuable in life. As I look into moments back I can’t help but marvel at how much the Lord is true to His word and how He is evident in all my life situation.

Let me share some areas that I truly believe the Lord has desired of my understanding even as i battled with my own humanly thoughts and worries.

  • Single Life

Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 writes to the church of Corinth sharing his view concerning the issue of being married and unmarried (single). As I read these verses I am reminded of my single life and how I journeyed through it. Not how I wish I did now looking back but I am glad the Lord placed this in my heart now.

As singles most of the time we find ourselves in constant battle and worries of who will be the man. Our quiet time is often disrupted by thoughts and the wonder of how time might pass before we get the ring. We often find time to dwell and fascinate on the glam magazines of weddings and envy about whose and what’s about weddings.

I am not saying it’s a sin to dream of your wedding one day. I am not rebuking the thought of wishing to be a wife. Nevertheless as Apostle Paul States in 1 Corinthians 7,  I believe as much as we desire to be wives and long for the ring, let’s not our focus drift away from the one whom we should be devoted to in our single life.

“…………….And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be Holy in body and Spirit”

Yes you have been single for long, yes you desire a man, yes you have a dream dress, yes all your friends are getting married, yes there are nights when it all gets lonely, and yes time is really flying. But are all these drawing you close to God or whenever you go to God you are always in tears and question of why and when and who.

Is the amount of time you spend wondering about all those issues more than the time you spend with God thanking Him, loving Him and worshiping Him for His goodness in your quiet time. Do you find anything meaningful about your single life as Apostle Paul states ‘……..anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be Holy in body and Spirit’.

I can only wish that I understood then, that in my single life the Lord desired my devotion, my body and my spirit. The devotion to the word, the body that honors Him and a quiet spirit that longs for purity.

If you are single my prayer is that, as  I had shared here, you will take this time and devote yourself to the Lord in body and Spirit and let Him answer the many questions you might be having. Allow Him to comfort you in your lonely nights and shield you from the society’s perverted ways. 

May you have this time to go deeper with God and develop a relationship with Him now that your mind, thought and concerns are not divided unlike if you were married. You will not be forever single so value and cherish this moment, guard your heart with pure thought and let Him minister to you a new every day. 

As you are single the only relationship that is of concern is that with the Lord, truly amazing that He desire to journey, love and embrace you and remind you how special you are.

  • Studying Engineering

I still don’t know how I landed in that class of 2010. Yet one thing I do know is that I longed for the day I would finish studying engineering so that I can go back and do fashion and design (my claimed passion).

I knew God had a plan for my life, I had given my life to Christ and I was involved in His work. However I was always on the notion that my life was meant for something much greater, I saw myself being someone great just not as an engineer. In my four years in school I was constantly in war with my engineering studies and my desire to be a fashion designer. This greatly affected my interest in studies and my attendance was not something to uphold.

Though I knew what God says in Jeremiah 29:11-13, most of the time  I often landed in verses 11 never understanding that verse 12 and 13 was asking me to draw myself to God and seek Him as He continuously draw me closer to the purpose He had bestowed upon my life even before my days on earth.

Over that year I would cry to the Lord to help me finish quick so that I can be where He wants me to be. I thought I knew where the Lord wanted me to be, and that’s what the society feeds us everyday. We are constantly being told to change a course when we feel it doesn’t satisfy us, others go as far as dropping out to start their own business in the name of passion and talents.

Don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate gifted and talented people. I know of many gifted people who took time to study even if it wasn’t in line with their talents and now they are big. The Lord will not take you through a road that will lead you to destruction. I pray as a young person if you are on the road studying may you not find yourself thinking you will not amount to anything because you feel you are not passionate about what you are doing.

If the Lord is taking you through something is because He want you to learn some things that are key. A few years back I would advise you to listen to your heart and follow what it says. Now I know that unless the Lord says otherwise, my purpose lies exactly where He has placed me.

‘So what do I do when I feel like doing fashion and designer while I am in a class of engineering?’ you may be asking, as Jeremiah 29:12 – 13, call upon Him and He will hear you, seek Him and He will answer all those questions you got going on. He will help you and as you continue to seek Him. He will speak right to your heart and slowly reveal to you His purpose for your life.

  • Two Year Working as an Engineer

Ever been in a place working and all you do is count hours every morning. You are in a company but you feel like you are getting wasted like crazy. You complain about their pay, working condition and even their attitude. You are always asking ‘God why on earth did you bring me to this company?’. All you can think of month after month is until when for another door to be open.

This has been me, as I mark two year of my life as an engineer, just as I have shared about my days in college I had carried the
same attitude to work. I have for days after days waited upon the day the Lord would finally bring me out of the place  ‘I was not meant to be‘ to the place ‘I am meant to be‘. I have had my complaints and many times joined in the talk of how horrible my working place is. I have had issues that never end and there are days I felt so empty being on my desk.

Today as I look back I am brought to wonder what is it that can be said about my 2 years by my boss. Have I been productive in the small things he entrusted me to do? Have I been punctual? Have I been effective and have I delivered well. Would I be recommended out as I choose to face life out of this place?

Luke 16:10 is very clear. I want much to be bestowed to me; I want to be used by the Lord greatly. 2 years gone I have felt over and over that I have not been used to the potential I have and I deserve more. The word however challenges me and makes me to meditate and ask ‘Was I fruitful in the two years that I felt little was given to me? Were my days in here rewarding to them that placed little upon me?’

I believe I share the story of many young working youth in this country, those who are constantly in the belief that life is to be fun. We are to wake up every morning super excited about work. Every month we are to be happy because our accounts are over flowing with cash. We are to dictate when and how we report to work and if possible even how we work. Society has lied to us that we have the power in us to dictate our life and future. I will be honest, your life and your future is on the Lord. If you live away from Him you will constantly battle with who you are and what you ought to be.

If this is you please know that the Lord understands your heart desire however He is asking, ‘What have you done with the one I have trusted you with?’ Or like the lazy and wicked servant Mathew 25:14-19 will you remain justifying yourself with how your working place is. Your boss might be mean, your salary might be minimal, your working condition might be harsh but what is it about you that can be said that is positive and uplifting. Can you be trusted with much or will you lazily and wickedly mishandle it the way you have done with the little you have been given.

…………………………….My Simple Thought
In life we find our self crowded with the things of the world and even though we know what God says about every single issue in our life we tend to believe we have a solution to every thing. Someone shared with me the other day that we have reached the point where we believe we have a solution to everything and prayer is the last in the solutions.

If it’s work we believe we can solve it by degree, masters or PHD, if it’s single life we are not willing to wait and uphold purity so we solve it my moving in with the guy next door, if it’s marriage we handle it how we know best and when we feel it is not working we apply the ‘irreconcilable issues’ and file for divorce. Our walk with God is just another thing somewhere in between our busy schedule.

All that I have shared have been my life at one point; I have learnt that we need to be in a common ground with what the Lord says in His word. I hope you will find time even as I do to go through what the Lord says and seek Him concerning whatever issue you might be having going on.
It might not be any of the ones I have shared but I believe that through Christ there is totally nothing that is impossible.

Enjoy this Wonderful Worship by the Hillsong,  All For Love

With Love,
Mrs Ouma.

THE LADY IN WAITING.

Let me start by confessing that I am never patient, even as I share this post I understand how overwhelming it can be to wait. Nevertheless I have come to learn that waiting needs grace especially if it’s for something you truly desire.
While I was thinking of what to share and minister out I felt drawn to write about the lady in waiting, specifically those who are waiting for ‘Mr. Right’. I believe in doing things right, and being able to uphold the principles and values you have set in whatever situation.
I have been with ladies who are waiting; I have had the privilege to hear their story. So I know how the heart can desire and long. However I ask myself is our singleness a ministry or a burden. Are we the lady waiting, in the Lord or we are busy searching even in the most unexpected places (the trash).
Allow me to share with you some things I have considered to be important even as you wait. Whether you have waited for 10 years or 2 months I believe it applies to all regardless of the time difference.

1.     You are complete; you are not a fraction just because you are single. You are whole to be complimented.
2.     Your present circumstance is not a shock to the Lord; He knows and still has a plan for your life. Search for Him to give you an understanding and His desire for you in your singleness.
3.     You are not living in someone else purpose, plans or dreams so stop fussing when your friends are getting married and you are not.
4.     Being single is not a taboo or a curse, choose to live your life as a woman who understand whose you are and where you are headed to.
5.     You are a living sacrifice, a temple of the Lord. Keep your mind and body pure, with the understanding that your body is the Lord’s dwelling place. Withdraw yourself from the ‘biological clock’ theory and have a pure heart that seeks the Lord while in waiting.
6.     Just because no one is asking you out doesn’t mean that we should hold a pity party to keep your spirit up. There are more to life than that. Yourself assurance is in Christ not worldly pleasures.
7.     Kissing many frogs is a fairy tale story stop losing your self-worth to any one that calls themselves frogs to be kissed. You are better than a frog kisser (why a frog in the first place).
8.     You know what kind of a man you want, that’s good, are you the ‘right’ kind of woman? Are you even ready to be one? Take this time to prepare yourself for the role of being a wife and for the marriage.(Harsh but true) 
9.     Just because he buys all the things you want and takes you to places you dream of even when it cost you more than what you get from him; your values, your principles and your boundaries  which are broken every time. It does not mean you should overlook the truth.
10. Understand your values as a woman even as you wait and be willing to uphold them even if it takes 5 years.
11. As I mentioned (4) stop making life hard for yourself and hard for those who wish to love you in your singleness. Love the Lord and work out the things drifting you off His presence.

12. Be willing to be found, I realize we live in a society where ‘Miss independence’ rules the world and a times we cloud ourselves with worldly possession that we forget that we need others. We are relational beings not possession wonders. Be ready and available, a tea date, coffee date won’t make your world stop 🙂
  
I recommend one of my awesome sermons by T.D Jakes Sermon ‘Junk in the Trunk’. Here is the link ‘Junk in the trunk’ by T.D Jakes (Enjoy)
With Love,
Mrs. Ouma

HIS FAITHFULNESS…..MY FAITH.

I have been preparing to post a blog about the lady in waiting, yet today I woke up a bit different. The week has been different. So much that I have found myself looked in the loo for more than 30 minutes in tears. I am not sure whether I will stop or as my husband says ‘just cry it out’. I am the emotional kind, the one who will cry about a love story in the TV to any kind of a story being shared by a friend or worse when the hormones are taking charge :-). Yet this week my emotions rose beyond my control.

Today I woke up not wanting to do anything. I remember grumbling in my sleep how I would rather just sleep my day away. I got to work and I kept wondering if Ill survive the day. I started asking people to join me in praying for a healing and I started crying. I asked how my mother was doing and upon hearing she is in the same state she was yesterday I ran to the loo and cried even more…………..

In that moment I had to pause. Retract. Reorganize my thoughts. And ask myself what am I really doing? Its emotional for me that my mother is not well, still I wondered if I was handling the entire situation as I should. (1 John 4:4)

It is easy to loose track of where we are headed when we get a little bump on the road. A times we are found unaware because we are busy driving and concentrating on other things when suddenly the bump appears and we are not sure whether to stop, move, scream (for the ladies) or start thinking of the bad things that are about to happen or worse blame ourselves not being there fully. Other times we are fully focused yet the presence of the bump on the road becomes an obstacle cause of the mind view.

I will confess that I have tasted these things and as I battled with my thoughts I realize that prayers do work, the problem comes in when our heart fails to believe what we ask of. Maybe its because we have a conclusion of what we are seeking the Lord for. I am here asking the Lord to heal my mother yet apart of me sees her illness as her final step. I pray with a double mind and a worried heart. He ask us to cast our burdens to Him fully. I do that but not fully because I am busy playing cautious and telling myself ‘what if…….’. So how does that set me apart?, I found myself thinking through as I bring myself to soberness.

Jeremiah 17: 9 – 10

9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

10 I the Lord Search the Heart, (I) try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, (and) according to the fruits of his doing

I want to be different. I got to be different. I want to believe it within my heart and speak it faithfully with my mouth. If I believe He can heal my heart should stand in that and my mouth should proclaim it. I desire my heart, my soul and my mouth to be in unity. The Unity of His word so if I choose to ask for healing let me not be deceived by my eyes or control by my heart emotions or manipulated by mind’s continuous desires to seek the future.

For I have known truth from wrong, I choose to live within the truth and escape from what the world perceive as a 50/50 chance. I am reading these words over and over again and as I am being ministered to I desire to minister out. If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead you shall be saved. And whatsoever you shall ask in His name He will do it, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.

I am have been set free. For he who the Son sets free is free indeed.(John 8:36)

Blessed Wednesday,

With Love,
Mrs Ouma

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